Quarterback Heritage Swap!

White Michael Vick? Black Tom Brady? Black Peyton Manning? Michael Vick as an Eagle? Finkle is Einhorn? This is the stupdiest shit I’ve ever seen.

A.J. Burnett…What The? Cliff Lee….Pay The Man His Money

Ice Cream?

Perfect photo to sum up A.J. Burnett’s career as a Yankee….a fucking embarrassment.  Mariano Rivera isn’t the closer of old (he blew a save to Bobby Abreu last night & 5 blown saves on the year). Alex Rodriguez is banging dudes (see Cameron Diaz’s dick) and playing in cocaine fueled high stakes Hollywood poker games where guns are involved.  Yeah, these aren’t the Yankees of old.  The Red Sox are close to running away with the division and the Yankees are going to be in a battle for the wild card….awesome.

Oh the irony of having a shared Cliff Lee-Yankees post.

Cliff Lee last night was the quintessential Cliff Lee. Eight shutout innings, striking out 10 and hitting a crucial HR to seal the victory, the man does it all.  Another thing Lee does well is making bets with teammates.  Cliff Lee apparently had a bet with teammate Kyle Kendrick about who would hit more HR’s this season (why the hell would Kyle Kendrick make this bet?).  Cliff’s 2nd HR of the year pretty much ended that bet last night, since Kendrick isn’t even starting anymore and doesn’t hit HR’s.  As Cliff entered the dugout he made a gesture towards the bullpen, it looked almost like a “make it rain” gesture (who knew Cliff had street cred?).  He was telling Kendrick….”pay me.” Roy Oswalt even picked up the phone to call the bullpen and rub it in Kendrick’s face, but bullpen Mick Billemeyer had to hang up on him to get the Madson/Bastardo duo warmed up.

“I thought of Kyle as soon as the ball went over the right field wall” – Cliff Lee

Pay me Kendrick.

Phillies Crushing The Rubber Ducky Song

Thanks to MLB.com’s Todd Zolecki for digging up this lil’ Phillies gem.  The reggae “Rubber Ducky” song from Sesame Street, that for the past week has taken over the Phillies clubhouse.

Apparently some sleuth on the team (most likely Jimmy, as he controls the clubhouse music) found a Elmo playlist on strength and conditioning coach Dong Lien’s IPod.  That was all the players needed, and have been playing the song throughout their recent west coast trip, a trip where thus far they are 7-1.  Zolecki says it’s been keeping the players loose prior to games, hey whatever works fellas.  Keep fucking that chicken.

Todd’s link here…..http://zozone.mlblogs.com/2011/08/09/2132414/

Two Of The Greatest Football Photos Ever

Pee Wee fucking Herman and the Cowboys.  Does life get any better? Sometimes things just get presented to you, and this I have a feeling is going to be a perfect photo to sum up the Cowboys season. Fucking Pee Wee Herman.

This next photo is brilliant.  Gisele Bunchden has ruined Tom Brady, everyone knows it. Even Tom. Ever since Gisele came around Tom hasn’t won a Superbowl, he wears chain wallets now, his hair is put in buns and questionable all the time and he dances like no one is watching at Carnivale.  Sick jersey though, might have to order one.

Donovan McNabb Just Can’t Help Himself

The Philadelphia Eagles are Donovan McNabb’s ex girlfriend that he just can’t get over.

Donovan is entering his second season “post breakup”, this time with the Minnesota Vikings. The Eagles have been the news of the NFL this off-season.  Naturally Donovan had to say SOMETHING.  He couldn’t stand there seeing his ex-girlfriend get breast implants, lose 2o pounds and not say something (or get a secret boner). Donovan did just that.

“I was there for 11 years, and the biggest thing we brought in was T.O. [Terrell Owens],” said McNabb. “Now they’re getting the so-called ‘Dream Team.’ It’s amazing, but I look back on my career and what they’re doing now … that’s great; that’s excellent. But you’re seeing another side. You’re seeing Andy (coach Andy Reid) taking that chance. It’s not just taking that chance on one guy. They’re taking a chance on a bunch of guys. And they’re spending money. That’s amazing. Ever since the lockout [ended], teams have to spend money.”

Starts right with the “Dream Team” haymaker, coming out swinging.  He might as well said “THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAKE TITTY IMPLANTS!” and then gone and cried in the corner of the party. Jealousy just oozing off of every word in that statement. Yes you got Terrell Owens and at the time it should have been enough, I mean you had your chance at a Super Bowl. Let’s face facts, you threw up in the fourth quarter of the biggest game of your career.  Those moves the Eagles made were enough, you weren’t. You had a great defense and a sure as shit good enough offense to beat the Patriots, they were begging you to take that game and you didn’t.  So the organization had nothing to do with YOUR shortcomings, you did, and the sooner you realize this the better off you’ll be.

“That’s great, that’s excellent.” What a snarky ass childish comment. Reminds me of Chris Farley’s role as the bus driver in Billy Madison….”Good, great, grand, wonderful!”  Just a bitter as fuck statement from #5. Move on bro.

“You see them and Andy taking these chances” Umm, how exactly signing the best CB in the league taking a chance? Pretty sure he’s as sure a thing as there is in this league.  Getting D.R.C, a former Pro-Bowl CB who is making a measly 1.1 million this season, how exactly is that taking a chance? Signing an absolute beast in the middle, Cullen Jenkins, who won a Super Bowl last year with the Packers, how exactly is that taking a chance? And no they don’t have to spend money until 2013 under the new CBA, so you’re wrong there as well.

“Now they bring in a Cullen Jenkins, and we all know he’s a dominant force. They bring in a Nnamdi Asomugha. You have Rodgers-Cromartie, who is the one they don’t mention the most because they have Asante Samuel, too. The problem is: What do you do with Asante Samuel?

Hey Donovan, ever hear of having a good problem? Yeah having 3 sick CB’s in a passing oriented league is a good problem to have.

“Then, you’ve got to worry about DeSean (Jackson). When he comes back are you going to give DeSean the ball or throw it to (Jeremy) Maclin? Remember, you have to give LeSean McCoy the ball, too. And then at the end you still have to pay Mike Vick. They have more problems than people are looking at.”

Hey Donnie, nothing has changed on the offensive side of the ball (aside from the O line) since last season when everything went just swimmingly.  Remember that explosive offense last year? What’s gonna change? Nothing.  You still have to get the ball to the same 4 people as last year, the only addition is RB Ronnie Brown, who is a “wildcat’ coaches wet dream, he can run, pass, catch and do it all.  Andy Reid is going to have a blast this year and the offense is explosive enough to spread the love around….without you. Get over it, move on, we all know we have.

Yeah dude, your ex girlfriend got fake titties, lost 20 pounds, shaved all her body hair and got sexy as shit.  Sorry you can’t reap those sexy benefits, but we will.  Move on Donny, she broke up with you.

Uncle Cholly

Sir Whiskey Pickle, a contributor to the site returns with a whiskey infused idea….these are his words.

As a fan, when you purchase a sports jersey these days, there’s a lot that goes into deciding who’s jersey you’re going to wear. Obviously, you want to wear the jersey of your favorite player, but if you’re dedicated to spending $200+ of your hard earned cash on some hometown branded schwag, you want it to matter. You want it to say something about you as a fan. Retro jerseys are awesome. Why? Because they are timeless. If you see a Schmidt, Cunningham, Barkley or Hextall jersey, you know they mean something to the fan wearing it.

(sidenote-  much respect to anyone still rocking a Von Hayes Jersey)

[sub-sidenote-  to anyone posessing a Gary Gates jersey, please send a photo of your Wings awesomeness for recognition in your own post]

{super-sub-sidenote- any player tee-shirt will suffice to indicate your loyalty to any other “professional” philly sports team}

Often, the obvious player is too easy a choice. How many Halladay or Vick jerseys do you see these days? Much respect to both of their contributions to the team, but variety is the spice of life! Everyone wants a relevant, yet timeless jersey. Most of those McNabb jersey are in the deep recesses of the bottom drawer and while its fun to see a Burrell or Lindross jersey surface every now and then, you gotta be real in your choice of player love.

I propose another option. Charlie Manuel.

Fact #1: Charlie will drag you into his office for not running out a first to third even if you just hit the game winning home run in extra innings on the road.

Fact #2: Charlie could be the recipient of interracial, underage felacio in the center of Rittenhouse Square at noon on a Sunday and still receive an standing ovation.

Fact #3: Charlie Manuel Jerseys should be purchased and worn with pride with as much enthusiasm as any of the high priced stars on any team regardless of sport.

Think about it people. Any Reid IS the Eagles but even if NFL coaches wore jerseys, no one would ever fit into an XXXL Eagles sweater. I’d love to see a Collins Sixers jersey, but really…I’d rather wear a Mark Cuban jersey than anyone roaming the sidelines of a basketball court.

But in baseball, we are blessed with a sport where even Jack McKeon gets a discount on buying his own jersey when showing his AARP card. When the years pass and you’re telling the stories of today’s team to your kids, the only one you know who will never, ever test positive for Steroids, HGH, overactive training syndrome or any of that other horse garbage is the fat old bastard that has taught our Phils how to play tream ball.

The players make the plays but the manager, THIS MANAGER, is a cult hero. Have you ever seen a Yankees Fan wear a Torre Jersey? Who gives a shit about Terry Francona? Tony LaRussa’s own players don’t even like him!

I remember the days when you’d open a pack of baseball cards and ask your friends why the hell they’d even bother making the card of a manager. They generally don’t matter. Charlie matters. He’s a living legend. He’s the man. He’s a Phillie.

We Give a Fuck, Chuck!

Good God

Katie Upton can milk me any day.  Girl is 19 years old and bringing the sexy swagger of a woman double her age. Best natural boobies to hit the open market since Bar Rafeli.  Just damn.