Reuben Amaro’s Pimp Hand

29 07 2010

Ruben Amaro Jr. stuck his right hand out, got the baby powered poured and pimp slapped the shit out of Ed Wade and the rest of the Houston Astro’s organization.

In yet another Phillies blockbuster trade deadline deal, Amaro was able to acquire Astro’s ace pitcher Roy Oswalt for next to nothing. Phillies sent Rookie of the Year Runner up J.A. Happ, who has only had a handful of starts this year due to forearm/elbow issues, single A outfield Anthony Gose, average outfielder who was no use to the Phils, and a straight fucking bum SS Jonathan Villar. Villar has accumulated 42 errors this season at single A Lakewood in only 82 games!

What the fuck was Ed Wade thinking? Oh yeah, by the way, Houston is also giving the Phillies $11 million to help pay for Oswalt’s remaining contract. Who was out back ripping the crack pipe in Houston when they decided this deal was a great idea. Wade is the Phils former GM, who traded Brad Lidge two years ago, who helped the Phils win their first World Series since 1980.

Wade might as well have asked for the money shot from Amaro and the Phillies, might have enjoyed that more than what he is going to have to watch on the field in Houston the rest of the year. By all means, I am happy as a pig in slop with the deal. I liked Happ, but he was expendable. And the other two worthless prospects, see yah later, we don’t fucking need you. In case you missed last night’s game, Dominic Brown is a fucking animal. Everyone, including myself, had wood last night when he ripped that RBI double off the right field fence.

So Ed Wade, Houston, I would like to personally thank you for the shot at retaining our reign on top as World Series Champs. Next time you are all in Philly, I know a great rub and tug spot that I’ll pay for myself; they are some kinky bitches who will do anything behind a closed curtain, especially when her Phillies are gonna be world champions again.

-Kenneth Brock

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