Donovan McNabb Just Can’t Help Himself

4 08 2011

The Philadelphia Eagles are Donovan McNabb’s ex girlfriend that he just can’t get over.

Donovan is entering his second season “post breakup”, this time with the Minnesota Vikings. The Eagles have been the news of the NFL this off-season.  Naturally Donovan had to say SOMETHING.  He couldn’t stand there seeing his ex-girlfriend get breast implants, lose 2o pounds and not say something (or get a secret boner). Donovan did just that.

“I was there for 11 years, and the biggest thing we brought in was T.O. [Terrell Owens],” said McNabb. “Now they’re getting the so-called ‘Dream Team.’ It’s amazing, but I look back on my career and what they’re doing now … that’s great; that’s excellent. But you’re seeing another side. You’re seeing Andy (coach Andy Reid) taking that chance. It’s not just taking that chance on one guy. They’re taking a chance on a bunch of guys. And they’re spending money. That’s amazing. Ever since the lockout [ended], teams have to spend money.”

Starts right with the “Dream Team” haymaker, coming out swinging.  He might as well said “THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAKE TITTY IMPLANTS!” and then gone and cried in the corner of the party. Jealousy just oozing off of every word in that statement. Yes you got Terrell Owens and at the time it should have been enough, I mean you had your chance at a Super Bowl. Let’s face facts, you threw up in the fourth quarter of the biggest game of your career.  Those moves the Eagles made were enough, you weren’t. You had a great defense and a sure as shit good enough offense to beat the Patriots, they were begging you to take that game and you didn’t.  So the organization had nothing to do with YOUR shortcomings, you did, and the sooner you realize this the better off you’ll be.

“That’s great, that’s excellent.” What a snarky ass childish comment. Reminds me of Chris Farley’s role as the bus driver in Billy Madison….”Good, great, grand, wonderful!”  Just a bitter as fuck statement from #5. Move on bro.

“You see them and Andy taking these chances” Umm, how exactly signing the best CB in the league taking a chance? Pretty sure he’s as sure a thing as there is in this league.  Getting D.R.C, a former Pro-Bowl CB who is making a measly 1.1 million this season, how exactly is that taking a chance? Signing an absolute beast in the middle, Cullen Jenkins, who won a Super Bowl last year with the Packers, how exactly is that taking a chance? And no they don’t have to spend money until 2013 under the new CBA, so you’re wrong there as well.

“Now they bring in a Cullen Jenkins, and we all know he’s a dominant force. They bring in a Nnamdi Asomugha. You have Rodgers-Cromartie, who is the one they don’t mention the most because they have Asante Samuel, too. The problem is: What do you do with Asante Samuel?

Hey Donovan, ever hear of having a good problem? Yeah having 3 sick CB’s in a passing oriented league is a good problem to have.

“Then, you’ve got to worry about DeSean (Jackson). When he comes back are you going to give DeSean the ball or throw it to (Jeremy) Maclin? Remember, you have to give LeSean McCoy the ball, too. And then at the end you still have to pay Mike Vick. They have more problems than people are looking at.”

Hey Donnie, nothing has changed on the offensive side of the ball (aside from the O line) since last season when everything went just swimmingly.  Remember that explosive offense last year? What’s gonna change? Nothing.  You still have to get the ball to the same 4 people as last year, the only addition is RB Ronnie Brown, who is a “wildcat’ coaches wet dream, he can run, pass, catch and do it all.  Andy Reid is going to have a blast this year and the offense is explosive enough to spread the love around….without you. Get over it, move on, we all know we have.

Yeah dude, your ex girlfriend got fake titties, lost 20 pounds, shaved all her body hair and got sexy as shit.  Sorry you can’t reap those sexy benefits, but we will.  Move on Donny, she broke up with you.


Carmelo Getting All Gangsta With A Panda

29 07 2011

Let’s see how tough you look with a fucking silver-back gorilla on your lap? Pandas are all cute and cuddly, haven’t you seen the new DirecTV commercials? The “whale” uses one for his chair, stop trying to look tough with one of the cutest animals on the planet you assbag. Come to think of it, you’ll fit right in New York, your type of people.

Case and point….

Who Ya Got? Punch Video Edition

23 07 2011

Track and Field fight? Yesssss!  Only slightly better than track guys fighting would be a cripple fight.

Or these crazy ass Tour de France fans, running alongside the riders and subsequently getting punched.

74 year old Buzz Aldrin punches out a NASA conspiracy theorist.  Epic.

When’s The Steve Williams Tell All Book Going To Come Out?

23 07 2011

I put the over/under on the book at about 13 months.  It’s going to be epic.  Williams, Tiger’s caddy and close friend for the past 13 years has been let go of his duties.  Ending perhaps the most successful golfer and caddy relationship in the history of golf.

Steve knows all the dirt on Tiger.

Through thick and thin, Tiger’s caddy stood by his side and defended his employer.  The Williams family and Woods family came to be fairly close over the 13 year relationship and there is no doubt that Steve knows exactly what happened on that infamous night with Tiger and Elin.  Now Steve probably wasn’t exactly looking to be rewarded by sticking by his gravy train (Tiger) during his time of need, but there’s no way he was looking to be fired. And with some recent comments, Steve regrets sticking by his friend and boss.

“You could say I’ve wasted the last two years of my life. I’ve stuck with Tiger and been incredibly loyal. I’m not disappointed I’ve been fired — that’s part of the job — but the timing is extraordinary.”  – Television New Zealand

Yikes, sounds like one scorned Kiwi. Was his friendship strong enough to stay tight lipped? That quote above sounds like it may not be.  Steve fells as though Tiger did him dirty like a Perkins waitress.  This may not sit well over time and when publishers come knocking with blank checks we’ll see how Stevie and Tiger’s relationship holds up. There’s no way that Stevie doesn’t know what happened on that infamous night and I can’t wait to read all about it.

Williams to going to become the full time caddy now for Aussie golfer Adam Scott.

Rupert Murdoch’s Biggest Crime Of All

15 07 2011

Murdoch recently has made news for hacking into voice-mails of 9/11 victims nearly 4,000 times.  As egregious as that is, it’s not Murdoch’s biggest crime of all, I think you’ll all agree….

Ryan Howard Was Almost An All Star & Bruce Bochy Slobs His Players Knobs

15 07 2011

Wednesday night a new show, The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants premiered and during the episode a lot focused on the manager Bruce Bochy deciding who would make the All-Star roster.  One surprise move Bochy really wanted was his relief pitcher Sergio Romo to make the squad, who may not have been as deserving as some other pitchers having career years. Another name caught my eye during this screen shot from the show….Ryan Howard.

While this shouldn’t be shocking news to anyone that Howard was considered, in fact he was considered an All-Star snub by a lot of experts, especially for leading the league in RBI’s at the time.  He originally had Howard on the list of players that would be eligible for the fan vote, a list which Howard was eventually left off of and teammate Shane Victorino eventually won.

Bochy was playing favoritism in a blatantly obvious way, he came under heat for pitching none of his pitchers in the game when one in particular he should have gotten in the game; Ryan Vogelsong, a career journey man who made his first All-Star game at the age of 32.  The dude deserved the recognition of pitching at least one inning in the game, he even said himself that it was about as big of a dream as he could’ve imagined.

There were several pitchers that had legit cases of being snubs from the team, one of which was NOT Sergio Romo.  Such pitchers as Jordan Zimmerman, Tommy Hanson (biggest snub of all, look at his #’s), Daniel Hudson and Milwaukee reliever John Axford had legit gripes with being left off the team.  But let’s be serious here Bochy, Sergio Romo? He’s having a nice year, but he did not deserve it more than any of the above listed.  We always knew that managers would favor their guys, but this was taking it to the next level.  Get serious Bruce.

Brian Wilson alone is worth watching this show. Other than him I’d probably hate this show.

You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

13 07 2011

What, Dwayne Wade doesn’t make enough money from his contract and endorsements? He really needs to whore himself out like this? I thought he was better than this.  I used to love your game.  Now you’re making it hard for me to like you, I know you’re devastated DWade, but I have to move on.

You welcomed the Black Avatar and Bron Bron into your city last year and well, now, those ass-clowns have infected you.  You’re sooooo fucking styling bro.  Sweet scarf. Last I checked were in the middle of a fucking heat wave, and you live in Florida. Hate, hate, hate.