Glory Holes & Dirk!

The Germans are known for a lot of things, a lot of things they are not proud of, i.e. the Nazi regime and German Schizer videos (the jury’s still out, they may be proud of these).  But there are many things the Germans are extremely proud of….like glory holes and Dirk Nowitzki.

Dirk Nowitzki is no doubt going to be a Hall of Famer one day and perhaps the most underrated superstar this league has had in a long time.  One thing that has always eluded Dirk was the championship, one reputation he and the Mavericks hope to put to an end this season.  I believe the Mavs will have to get past the Miami Heat in the Finals to do so, but this may be the deepest team the Mavs have ever had and it should make for a great NBA Finals (I’m hoping the Bulls can pull it out still).

There haven’t been many players in the history of the NBA with the versatile game of Nowitzki, the man is nearly seven foot and has range from outside the gym.  He can dribble, he can rebound, he can pass and can shoot all day.  Dirk is German hence Germans love Dirk.  This guy loved Dirk perhaps in a scary type of way.  He decided that he would combine two of his favorite things…German disco music and Dirk Nowitzki.  Kinda creepy/awesome.

”Dirk Nowitzki is my most favorite Basketballer from all times. He did grow up just some kilometers from my town (Erlangen), and he has made Inspirings for me, coming to America and making great Dominations! Dirk, you are the best and this son is one for you! – fluja”

Gotta love that broken English. 

In case you don’t know what a German schizer is (we probably shouldn’t be friends)…http://tinyurl.com/66dy8hj

No More Gus Johnson In March But…

There is a strong to very strong possibility that Gus Johnson will call a couple Eagles games next year. Gus and CBS recently parted ways after a long relationship, Gus being a CBS employee only used to call AFC games, and being that Fox is an NFC station there is a strong chance we will hear Gus do an Eagles game.

Although, this could prove dangerous to Gus’ health, with the amount of explosive plays Vick & Desean have, Gus could have an aneurism by week 6.  It’s unfortunate that during March Madness we won’t have the most excitable guy in sports calling it anymore, but bringing Gus to college football and NFC games is a good way to make up for the March Madness loss.

Rupert Murdoch, who owns the NY Post, recently hopped on the anti-Gus wagon as many in the know believe Johnson is an unprepared self-promoter.  NY POST…

“Prior to this past NBA regular season, Johnson was let go by MSG Network as the radio voice of the Knicks. At that time, as well as the NBA season prior, word passed that Johnson had become a load to indulge, that he was unreliable and unprepared, a self-promoter who demanded equal money for fewer games worked, as his schedule began to include CBS, BTN and events such as mixed martial arts telecasts. His recent split from CBS, the network that fast-tracked him, was attached to similar winks and nods — including a demand for superstar money.”

Either way, here’s hoping that Gus gets an Eagles assignment next year.  Gus’s replacement during March Madness could be the female panty wearer himself, Mr Marv Albert….YESSSSS!

Serena Williams…Yes Please

Lovely lady humps

Serena Williams took to Twitter yesterday to show off her ASSets.  Thank you for doing so Serena.  It was just last week that Serena’s twitter stalker was arrested for tracking her on the social network.  Creepy.  But that ass is marvelous, could chew on that for days.  Serena has two million plus followers and with an ass and photos like that I can see why.

Flyers To Host Winter Classic 2012

At Citizens Bank Park.  January 2, 2012.  Flyers vs. Rangers.  Epic-ness.

I had a tip to this back in December (last time I don’t write a blog on a credible tip) and have been excited about it ever since.  Along with all the excitement leading up to the event, i.e. town going Winter Classic crazy, alumni games, the entire hockey world’s eyes on our city, the most exciting event to come from this definitely has to be HBO’s 24/7 series.  Even non hockey fans get into 24/7 because it’s riveting television.

Will Mike Richards show a personality? Will the cameras roll when Richie and Lavs go to the movies together?  Will Carter bang chicks on camera? Will the cameras show Briere and Giroux making pancakes in the morning?  Will Pronger audition for his post playing career as a comic? Will we still have an absurd goalie carousel?  You can find all this out and more on 24/7.

Flyers are the second team behind the Pittsburgh Penguins to repeat as players in the Winter Classic, they played 2 years ago in Fenway Park against the Bruins.  Any excuse to get on the anti-NY wagon here in Philly is always a good time, and now we’ll have the national stage to get our first Winter Classic win.  Good times.

Get It Off My Screen

Tony LaRussa’s shingle eye! Goooooooo!

To make up for that grotesque eye, I present to you Tony’s daughter Bianca.

Bianca just recently fulfilled her life-long dream of becoming a Oakland Raiders cheerleader.  God bless her assets that got her that job.  Tony LaRussa basically has herpes of the eye.  Shingles is one form of the 8 herpes viruses.  Double Gooooo!  Here’s to eye-raping Bianca as opposed to looking at Tony’s herpes eye.

Youtube Boobage

Some videos that just had to be shared…

Real video of a Vegas strip Batman getting his ass handed to him.  With Batman graphics thrown in = awesome pawnage….

Gloria Allred showing America how to anally blast someone with a Louisville Slugger….

Amazing history of Phillies mustaches…..

The piece of shit “The Situation’s” piece of shit dad talks about what a piece of shit “The Situation” really is…

Pole Dancing Fail….On Live TV…..

Marissa Miller….Just Cause

Giggity giggity GOOOOOOO

Marissa “the body” Miller gentlemen.  Just hands down the best body out there.  Every time I look at pictures of her my brain just blanks.  I was able to spend about 20 minutes with Marissa at the 137th Kentucky Derby and it was easily 20 of the greatest minutes of my life.

Alan From The Hangover Now Working Atlantic City

Atlantic City, the 2nd largest gambling market in the country had a bad month last month, real bad.  One man single-handily caused their monthly revenue to drop a whopping 54% on table games and 20% overall.  This mystery man won 5.8 million at the blackjack tables last month.

Indiana Jones had one.

How the hell did this guy take down Tropicana for a cool 5.8 million?  He’s a card counting mind freak that apparently knows how to play the game, that or he cheated his balls off. 

“We had the single-largest winner in our history,’ Giannantonio said. ‘If it hadn’t been for bad luck at the tables, we would have had a good month.” –Mark Giannantonio, Tropicana’s outgoing chief executive officer

Yeah and if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.  Great quote after some jabroni just cashed in his retirement on your watch.  Ironically enough Giannantonio was fired last week, although he’s sticking to his guns and believes the firing had nothing to do with their largest cash-out EVER.  Sure dude, keep believing that.

Press of Atlantic City has the story….http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/breaking/blackjack-player-takes-tropicana-for-million-single-handedly-ruins-casino/article_abcdac7e-7b30-11e0-af98-001cc4c002e0.html

Chase Utley Will Play By End Of May

That felt great to say.  Utley tonight in Clearwater Florida began his official rehab start going 1-4.  Rehab assignments at the most can last 20 days.  Less than 3 weeks until Utley would have to be activated.  Tomorrow Chase and his knee will be given a day off and Utley will next take the field of Thursday with Roy Oswalt and Carlos Ruiz.

Utley, on Saturday went 5-7 in an extended Spring Training game, with 2 HR’s and some nice drives on the ball.  The thing with extended S.T. games is that you can bat out-of-order in the lineup and get someone as many plate appearances as the manager would like.  Utley who has done essentially nothing but take batting practice for 3 straight months should be dialed in on the ball right now.

The real test comes out in the field and on the base paths.  Short sudden bursts and lateral movement are what really test a knee.  It will be interesting to see tomorrow if usually media reserved Utley will give reporters any update on how his knee is feeling.  This truly is a “day-to-day” situation at every meaning of the word.  Setbacks are strongly possible, but if all goes according to plan Jim Salisbury expects Utley to return to the Phillies during the home-stand of May 16th through May 28th.

@JSalisburyCSN Jim Salisbury

Utley to play in official minor lg. game tonite. Best bet: activated during coming homestand, 5-18 to 5-26 http://tinyurl.com/3c7zu9b

Let’s hope Jim’s right, he usually is.  The Phillies are 23-12 and have the best record in the majors, but the vibe in town is almost that of, it should be better.  Something that has been missing from the lineup is the power to the gaps which typically Utley & Werth provided, and after losing Werth to a dump-truck full of cash, losing Utley to injury was particularly painful.  Now hopefully that hole will be filled.

An option to be considered in my mind would to be considering putting Utley in the 5 hole in the lineup.  With Polanco driving in runs right now and Ben Francisco and Raul Ibanez’s averages plummeting to the toilet, Utley at 5 would give him a great opportunity.  Typically the #3 hitter is your lineup’s best pure hitter, which usually is Chase, but with Polanco right now, he would more than suffice in that role.  Placido is doing what has to be done, whether it is sac-fly’s to just hitting the ball to the right side of the infield, he’s getting the job done.  Utley, the better run producer of the two will be given a chance at RBI’s out the ass and will also better protect Howard in the lineup.  Either way, 3 hole, 5 hole, the Phillies are getting a much-needed piece back, and delivering a tough blow to the rest of the NL East.

That and the addition of Domonic Brown this or next month really should fill out the roster nicely.  Good times.

Phil Jackson Loves Peyote

During the Mavericks sweep of the Lakers, Phil Jackson, perhaps the greatest coach to ever walk the sidelines, in the company of John Wooden, Red Auerbach and Pat Riley, most likely coached his last game ever in the NBA (get ready for Jackson to the Knicks rumors).  Hell he’s up there with Vince Lombardi as the best ever.  He has always been known as a bit eccentric if you will, into zen, the outdoors and frankly secluding himself from people.  Leading most people to believe that Jackson would enjoy partying it up with Walton at a Dead show.  Walton level weird, the right amount of weird not to be considered a douche nozzle.  Rick Carlise after handing Phil a playoff sweep, something he is not used too, told him to enjoy his retirement, his time on a ranch in Montana and well smoking peyote?

C’mon Rick, if your gonna come swinging at the greatest of all time with hallucinogenic haymakers, you better know your drugs.   Is it just me or does Rick Carlisle remind you of a very tall Jim Carrey?

Which one is which?